Pof Looking For Me
I don't want to waste your time, I don't want you to waste mine either so I came up with a great way to prevent that from happening. Please read my entire profile before messaging me. You will notice it is long, takes a few minutes, and requires some reading comprehension and some critical thought. It is purposely written like this so that the people who do eventually message me are aware of what I am and what I am not.
It's not always easy to expose your true self to complete strangers, however I am not ashamed by what I am and as the saying goes 'I'd rather be disliked for what I am, rather than loved for what I am not'. If you meet me, you will not be meeting my 'representative', you will be meeting me, the true me.
One definition of Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting a different result. With that said, lets apply it to dating, love and your personality. I think this website (and really all dating in general) needs to be taken with a grain of salt. Let me ask you some critical thinking questions,
'How much of your personality has stayed the same since you were born?'
'How much has the world changed since you were born?'
'Has life turned out the way you expected?'
'Can you be certain who/where you will be in 50 years?'
For me the answers are 1.) very little, 2.) A lot, 3.) Hell no, 4.) Of course not. What does all of that mean to me? It means that the only thing static about life, is change. I find it peculiar that on some level nearly every person I know understands this quite well and yet we seem to view dating and marriage exempt from change and unpredictability. Think about your life so far? Have your favourite colours changed? Favourite foods? Favourite songs? Job? Friends? Pets? Direction in life? Education? Physical shape? Home?
Every aspect of our life is vulnerable to change, while many see this as negative, I tend to think that it is the concept of change that makes this life worth living. The fact that there is still something new to look forward to, that life can and will be different makes this journey through the human condition an amazing experience. The moment I began to embrace change and accepted that my life in all aspects has the possibility of evolving is that exact moment I fell in love with my life. It felt like being reborn for now I am not afraid of heart break, losing my job or any other change I may witness in my life. Instead I look forward to it being part of the next step of my personal journey and my evolution to my eventuality.
Because I am happy with myself I am not needy, I do not get jealous and I do not get possessive. I do not drag out relationships or friendships that have obviously ended for the relationship itself means nothing, it is the happiness that we can withdraw from the connection that is important to me.
So does this mean I don't believe in love or the pursuit of it? Keep reading.
I don't mean to berate others out there who want to find their soul mate, because I think that finding your soul mate would be a wonderful thing, but I think we need to step back and realize the odds are definitely against us. If your definition of your soul mate is your ideal best match, your odds of finding that person are 1 in 6 billion.
Basically you have higher odds of winning the lottery, and we all know how often we hit the jackpot. If you live to be 80 years old, you will have lived 29,200 days roughly. Lets say from the age of 14 you begin looking for your soul mate, even if you 'could' spend 1 day interviewing/dating potential partners that still only leaves you with 24,090 potential matches. Obviously you can't spend everyday of your life beyond the age of 14 soul mate searching because you will need to work, spend time with family and friends etc. It's not that I want to crush anyone's dreams and hopes of finding their soul mate, I just think it's important for all of us out there to recognize the odds you are up against.
So does that mean I'm some kind of heartless/emotionless creature that calculates love with mathematics? I would say far from it, however you are entitled to your own opinion of course. I think real beauty and real love comes from witnessing truth and the continual journey of trying to stay in reality while at the same time shaping it in the small ways we all can (being kind to one another, taking care of the earth, being honest, innovative etc).
Although I like to think I understand where most individuals are coming from, I can't help but be humbly perplexed by the way the masses continues to conduct the dating game known as courtship. It seems so many of us out there pursue relationships for the sake of the 'relationship' itself, instead of the wonderful memories and happiness that can be experienced by such an agreement. So that concept of 'looking' for a long term relationship seems completely bizarre to me. I equate that with the hopes of living a 'long' life instead of living a life filled with happiness and pleasure regardless of how long it lasts. Perhaps you can explain your personal opinion to me? Do the divorce rates not worry you? Don't you think perhaps all of the cheating and heart break that goes on is really just a symptom of the problem and not the problem itself?
To me attraction is like the colour of your eyes, the shape of your body or the colour of your skin. A lot of it you are born with, and some of it will change depending on your environment, but either way, it's incredibly difficult to control. Whatever kind of person you are, you will most likely have an inherent attraction to any given type of person. A lot of this is shaped by your upbringing and your childhood (psychology 101 here) and the rest of it is shaped by culture (music, politics, religion). What and who you find attractive is not necessarily of your control or liking. If you can accept that you aren't in control of your attraction, should you ever feel guilty or ashamed of who and what you are attracted to? I don't think so, on the contrary I think the fact that we do not control our attractions is one humanities greatest strengths. It ensures that life will be interesting, filled with lessons, contrast, experiences and hopefully happiness.
So how does this affect relationships? You might find yourself deeply in love with a particular person, only to find one day that feeling of love is lessened, perhaps it's because you are organically attracted to another or perhaps you yourself are undergoing a significant emotional change where your attractions evolve into something different. Or perhaps you might even notice that you are attracted to more than one person, not just your partner at the time, but due to your relationship (or contract as I prefer to call them) you realize that your relationship should end because you are having feelings for another.
I mean really, what other reasons do people cheat or end their personal relationships with one another?
I think it's time that we start considering that all relationships end (at the very least, in death) as does your life itself. I think it's time we start focusing on the quality of our lives instead of the labels and the durations we try to maintain so frequently.
With all of the above said, I have lived enough life to be able to comfortably say that I am 'Polyamorous'. There is a lot of different definitions as to what this means. Let me give you my definition. I don't engage in romantic contracts, nor do I permit the ownership of my feelings and body to someone else. Of all my nearly 28 years on this planet I have realized that I (and most people I know as well) have this astonishing ability to love and be attracted to multiple people at once and yet many of us feel ashamed of this (which is sad in a world where we could obviously use a lot more love and happiness).
I'm going to go ahead on record and tell you that you don't need to feel ashamed for finding someone other than your boyfriend or girlfriend attractive. Attraction is part of the human condition and it's not something that can be controlled, nor do I think it needs to be. However, that doesn't mean I condone cheating. To me cheating represents dishonesty and a lie. If you have engaged in a romantic contract (ie. you are committed to someone both physically and emotionally) then you should be loyal to your agreement because you gave your word on it (you can always opt out...). This is why Polyamory is not cheating, not dishonest and thus not immoral because no one is lying and pretending it's something it is not. Any true Polyamorous individual will be upfront and let you decide for yourself whether or not it's worth the emotional risk. No games, no false pretenses, just truth.
A common question I get about Polyamory is 'How do you feel about having children being Polyamorous'. I admit that this does prose an interesting challenge. I have very little desire to bring a child into this fragile and crumbling planet (I'd much rather adopt a child(ren) devoid of love and caring instead, and there is many) so it's not something that I spend a lot of time focusing on, but my usual response goes something like 'It takes a lot more than just two parents to raise a child, it takes friends, and family, teachers, coaches, guides and a lot of determination, basically it requires a community.' A lot more than just mom and dad shape a child's life and I agree that every child requires love and caring and support, but I don't think a child requires love specifically from two romantically contracted individuals. I was raised predominantly by a single mother who didn't have any romantic partners during my childhood. I looked to my uncles, and other male figures for my male influences and in many ways was raised by many mothers (my moms friends) and the community around me.
That being said, I think I turned out pretty good, I don't have a criminal record, I am not dishonest, I care about the planet and preserving it for your children. Also, please don't take offense to Polyamory, no one is trying to tell you that your Mono-amory is immoral or obsolete, it's just not for many of us out there. Please don't send me anymore hate messages. I welcome constructive comments and even critique providing you word it in a respectful way. I'm never 100% on anything as I realize being a human being I am prone to grow and change in ways I cannot yet fathom. Is it difficult for a person to learn and grow if they always presume they are right. I welcome being wrong :D
So when do you know if you are Polyamorous? In my mind, in my definition, if you have ever felt attraction to more than one person at a time, ever cheated, wanted to cheat or wished you could love more than one person at a time then you are Polyamorous. Polyamory is not a choice or an action. It is similar in that sense to homosexuality. If you have Polyamorous thoughts and feelings, you are Polyamorous, whether or not you admit it to yourself or to the world. Btw, I totally feel that Polyamorous tendencies can come and go as well. I wouldn't go so far to say that if you are Poly at one point in time you will always be that way.
I hope you have ascertained that I am not big for labels, contracts or repetition for the sake of repetition. I have a hard time signing a 3 year cell phone contract, I realize it's only a matter of time before I'll want to try out a different phone or the phone will wear out, or my needs of the phone will change. That is only 3 years and IT IS JUST A CELL PHONE. So you can imagine how I feel about the contract of marriage lol.
If you are still reading, you've probably recognized I am different than most people you have probably met from POF and perhaps even different than most people you know. Intrigued? I hope so :D
Now that I've cleared the air about relationships, labels and contracts let me move on to the meaning and purpose of my life. That last sentence was really a bit of a tease, because I'm not 100% on what the purpose of my life is, sometimes I think the purpose of my life is to define my own purpose and continually re-evaluate it when the time calls for it, so that's what I've been doing and it's been wonderful.
I spend an enormous amount of my personal time thinking about how I can better this planet for all it's many forms of life and especially for future generations. Throughout history we recognize all of these amazing individuals who stood out from the crowd and despite ridicule from society stuck to what they believed were necessary directions of change. Be it change of life style, ways of thought or scientific understandings history is riddled with prominent forward thinking individuals who weren't captivated by fear and lived life styles and breakthroughs which have given us everything you like about your life today. I feel compelled to honour those individuals both named an unnamed through my own life and actions. Although I feel my attempt is incredibly pathetic in comparison to Martin Luther King or Ghandi, the fact that I put myself out there and make the attempt is what matters. Doing things because you feel they are right and not because they are necessarily effective or easy is the underlying motivating force in my life.
With the above said, I challenge many of the societal methods we see common place today. From money, to relationships, to education, borders, boundaries, religion etc, all of it is fair game to critique, question, abolish and/or improve, such is the nature of progress. We are not perfect, therefor our constructs are not perfect and I feel it's part of our duty to continually adapt and improve society to reflect our scientific and social understandings of well being for all. I could talk your ear off on this subject alone for many many hours, but I feel that this basically concludes everything you 'should' know and at the very least 'respect' about me before wishing to engage in any kind of friendship or more with me.
Search for users that fit your criteria with Plenty of Fish. We allow you to narrow down our massive list of users to match what you're looking for. POF is the domain name now used by plenty of fish. The shortening was an obvious next move. The community refers to plenty of fish as pof for short. Navigate to the free POF Username Search Tool. Enter the username (full or partial username, if you are not sure of the exact username) of anyone in the world on Plenty Of Fish dating. Click the Search POF for Username button. A list of all POF profiles matching that username will show up. You'd like to register immediately and for free without having to provide. Flirting, chatting, and getting to. Discover interesting people and find the right partner for you. Free chat and dating. Free dating app that requires women to message first; My free personals. Find a real relationship for $0 on these non-corny free dating sites. POF automatically blocks people from messaging each other if they are over 14 years apart in age. I'm starting to get this too. Upgraded users matching me and then their settings are so they can't receive messages from non members. Members that like you first, and then you match, and then they won't let you.
It's not always easy to expose your true self to complete strangers, however I am not ashamed by what I am and as the saying goes 'I'd rather be disliked for what I am, rather than loved for what I am not'. If you meet me, you will not be meeting my 'representative', you will be meeting me, the true me.
One definition of Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting a different result. With that said, lets apply it to dating, love and your personality. I think this website (and really all dating in general) needs to be taken with a grain of salt. Let me ask you some critical thinking questions,
'How much of your personality has stayed the same since you were born?'
'How much has the world changed since you were born?'
'Has life turned out the way you expected?'
'Can you be certain who/where you will be in 50 years?'
For me the answers are 1.) very little, 2.) A lot, 3.) Hell no, 4.) Of course not. What does all of that mean to me? It means that the only thing static about life, is change. I find it peculiar that on some level nearly every person I know understands this quite well and yet we seem to view dating and marriage exempt from change and unpredictability. Think about your life so far? Have your favourite colours changed? Favourite foods? Favourite songs? Job? Friends? Pets? Direction in life? Education? Physical shape? Home?
Every aspect of our life is vulnerable to change, while many see this as negative, I tend to think that it is the concept of change that makes this life worth living. The fact that there is still something new to look forward to, that life can and will be different makes this journey through the human condition an amazing experience. The moment I began to embrace change and accepted that my life in all aspects has the possibility of evolving is that exact moment I fell in love with my life. It felt like being reborn for now I am not afraid of heart break, losing my job or any other change I may witness in my life. Instead I look forward to it being part of the next step of my personal journey and my evolution to my eventuality.
Because I am happy with myself I am not needy, I do not get jealous and I do not get possessive. I do not drag out relationships or friendships that have obviously ended for the relationship itself means nothing, it is the happiness that we can withdraw from the connection that is important to me.
So does this mean I don't believe in love or the pursuit of it? Keep reading.
I don't mean to berate others out there who want to find their soul mate, because I think that finding your soul mate would be a wonderful thing, but I think we need to step back and realize the odds are definitely against us. If your definition of your soul mate is your ideal best match, your odds of finding that person are 1 in 6 billion.
Basically you have higher odds of winning the lottery, and we all know how often we hit the jackpot. If you live to be 80 years old, you will have lived 29,200 days roughly. Lets say from the age of 14 you begin looking for your soul mate, even if you 'could' spend 1 day interviewing/dating potential partners that still only leaves you with 24,090 potential matches. Obviously you can't spend everyday of your life beyond the age of 14 soul mate searching because you will need to work, spend time with family and friends etc. It's not that I want to crush anyone's dreams and hopes of finding their soul mate, I just think it's important for all of us out there to recognize the odds you are up against.
So does that mean I'm some kind of heartless/emotionless creature that calculates love with mathematics? I would say far from it, however you are entitled to your own opinion of course. I think real beauty and real love comes from witnessing truth and the continual journey of trying to stay in reality while at the same time shaping it in the small ways we all can (being kind to one another, taking care of the earth, being honest, innovative etc).
Although I like to think I understand where most individuals are coming from, I can't help but be humbly perplexed by the way the masses continues to conduct the dating game known as courtship. It seems so many of us out there pursue relationships for the sake of the 'relationship' itself, instead of the wonderful memories and happiness that can be experienced by such an agreement. So that concept of 'looking' for a long term relationship seems completely bizarre to me. I equate that with the hopes of living a 'long' life instead of living a life filled with happiness and pleasure regardless of how long it lasts. Perhaps you can explain your personal opinion to me? Do the divorce rates not worry you? Don't you think perhaps all of the cheating and heart break that goes on is really just a symptom of the problem and not the problem itself?
To me attraction is like the colour of your eyes, the shape of your body or the colour of your skin. A lot of it you are born with, and some of it will change depending on your environment, but either way, it's incredibly difficult to control. Whatever kind of person you are, you will most likely have an inherent attraction to any given type of person. A lot of this is shaped by your upbringing and your childhood (psychology 101 here) and the rest of it is shaped by culture (music, politics, religion). What and who you find attractive is not necessarily of your control or liking. If you can accept that you aren't in control of your attraction, should you ever feel guilty or ashamed of who and what you are attracted to? I don't think so, on the contrary I think the fact that we do not control our attractions is one humanities greatest strengths. It ensures that life will be interesting, filled with lessons, contrast, experiences and hopefully happiness.
So how does this affect relationships? You might find yourself deeply in love with a particular person, only to find one day that feeling of love is lessened, perhaps it's because you are organically attracted to another or perhaps you yourself are undergoing a significant emotional change where your attractions evolve into something different. Or perhaps you might even notice that you are attracted to more than one person, not just your partner at the time, but due to your relationship (or contract as I prefer to call them) you realize that your relationship should end because you are having feelings for another.
I mean really, what other reasons do people cheat or end their personal relationships with one another?
I think it's time that we start considering that all relationships end (at the very least, in death) as does your life itself. I think it's time we start focusing on the quality of our lives instead of the labels and the durations we try to maintain so frequently.
With all of the above said, I have lived enough life to be able to comfortably say that I am 'Polyamorous'. There is a lot of different definitions as to what this means. Let me give you my definition. I don't engage in romantic contracts, nor do I permit the ownership of my feelings and body to someone else. Of all my nearly 28 years on this planet I have realized that I (and most people I know as well) have this astonishing ability to love and be attracted to multiple people at once and yet many of us feel ashamed of this (which is sad in a world where we could obviously use a lot more love and happiness).
I'm going to go ahead on record and tell you that you don't need to feel ashamed for finding someone other than your boyfriend or girlfriend attractive. Attraction is part of the human condition and it's not something that can be controlled, nor do I think it needs to be. However, that doesn't mean I condone cheating. To me cheating represents dishonesty and a lie. If you have engaged in a romantic contract (ie. you are committed to someone both physically and emotionally) then you should be loyal to your agreement because you gave your word on it (you can always opt out...). This is why Polyamory is not cheating, not dishonest and thus not immoral because no one is lying and pretending it's something it is not. Any true Polyamorous individual will be upfront and let you decide for yourself whether or not it's worth the emotional risk. No games, no false pretenses, just truth.
A common question I get about Polyamory is 'How do you feel about having children being Polyamorous'. I admit that this does prose an interesting challenge. I have very little desire to bring a child into this fragile and crumbling planet (I'd much rather adopt a child(ren) devoid of love and caring instead, and there is many) so it's not something that I spend a lot of time focusing on, but my usual response goes something like 'It takes a lot more than just two parents to raise a child, it takes friends, and family, teachers, coaches, guides and a lot of determination, basically it requires a community.' A lot more than just mom and dad shape a child's life and I agree that every child requires love and caring and support, but I don't think a child requires love specifically from two romantically contracted individuals. I was raised predominantly by a single mother who didn't have any romantic partners during my childhood. I looked to my uncles, and other male figures for my male influences and in many ways was raised by many mothers (my moms friends) and the community around me.
That being said, I think I turned out pretty good, I don't have a criminal record, I am not dishonest, I care about the planet and preserving it for your children. Also, please don't take offense to Polyamory, no one is trying to tell you that your Mono-amory is immoral or obsolete, it's just not for many of us out there. Please don't send me anymore hate messages. I welcome constructive comments and even critique providing you word it in a respectful way. I'm never 100% on anything as I realize being a human being I am prone to grow and change in ways I cannot yet fathom. Is it difficult for a person to learn and grow if they always presume they are right. I welcome being wrong :DSo when do you know if you are Polyamorous? In my mind, in my definition, if you have ever felt attraction to more than one person at a time, ever cheated, wanted to cheat or wished you could love more than one person at a time then you are Polyamorous. Polyamory is not a choice or an action. It is similar in that sense to homosexuality. If you have Polyamorous thoughts and feelings, you are Polyamorous, whether or not you admit it to yourself or to the world. Btw, I totally feel that Polyamorous tendencies can come and go as well. I wouldn't go so far to say that if you are Poly at one point in time you will always be that way.
I hope you have ascertained that I am not big for labels, contracts or repetition for the sake of repetition. I have a hard time signing a 3 year cell phone contract, I realize it's only a matter of time before I'll want to try out a different phone or the phone will wear out, or my needs of the phone will change. That is only 3 years and IT IS JUST A CELL PHONE. So you can imagine how I feel about the contract of marriage lol.
If you are still reading, you've probably recognized I am different than most people you have probably met from POF and perhaps even different than most people you know. Intrigued? I hope so :D
Now that I've cleared the air about relationships, labels and contracts let me move on to the meaning and purpose of my life. That last sentence was really a bit of a tease, because I'm not 100% on what the purpose of my life is, sometimes I think the purpose of my life is to define my own purpose and continually re-evaluate it when the time calls for it, so that's what I've been doing and it's been wonderful.I spend an enormous amount of my personal time thinking about how I can better this planet for all it's many forms of life and especially for future generations. Throughout history we recognize all of these amazing individuals who stood out from the crowd and despite ridicule from society stuck to what they believed were necessary directions of change. Be it change of life style, ways of thought or scientific understandings history is riddled with prominent forward thinking individuals who weren't captivated by fear and lived life styles and breakthroughs which have given us everything you like about your life today. I feel compelled to honour those individuals both named an unnamed through my own life and actions. Although I feel my attempt is incredibly pathetic in comparison to Martin Luther King or Ghandi, the fact that I put myself out there and make the attempt is what matters. Doing things because you feel they are right and not because they are necessarily effective or easy is the underlying motivating force in my life.
With the above said, I challenge many of the societal methods we see common place today. From money, to relationships, to education, borders, boundaries, religion etc, all of it is fair game to critique, question, abolish and/or improve, such is the nature of progress. We are not perfect, therefor our constructs are not perfect and I feel it's part of our duty to continually adapt and improve society to reflect our scientific and social understandings of well being for all. I could talk your ear off on this subject alone for many many hours, but I feel that this basically concludes everything you 'should' know and at the very least 'respect' about me before wishing to engage in any kind of friendship or more with me.