Have you met a great guy who’s over 40 but has never been married? Has he never lived with a woman or even been in a seriously relationship? If you’re looking for lasting passionate love or marriage, this can be a tricky situation. Even if things are fantastic between the two of you in the beginning, you may be wondering, is this guy a commitment-phobe? Is he too picky? Is he a player? Is he a narcissist? What is the potential for a long-term relationship with this man and what is that relationship going to be like?

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Here are six key tips to help you assess your potential future with him:

1. Bring up his relationship history.
If he focuses on how great he has been (and is), and has little to no self-reflection about what he did wrong, be wary. He may be unconscious about his own limitations, or a narcissist who has a difficult time having a real relationship with a woman.

2. Pay attention if he has same complaint about all his ex’s.
If he describes all his ex’s as too clingy or needy, or too distant, or too demanding, or angry, he may have an unconscious pattern of self-sabotage, where he provokes his partner into acting a certain way with him. And this is how he sets his relationships up to fail.

3. Talk about the future.
If he doesn’t mention lasting love, or marriage, realize that it may not be a goal for him. He may be a player, or a commitment-phobe.

4. Listen to how he talks about marriage.
Research on the “marrying kind of men” shows that men who get married talk positively about marriage in general and specifically about happy marriages in their network of friends. If he doesn’t do this, and refers to negative metphors, such as the “old ball and chain,” he may be afraid of marriage and commitment.

5. Learn about his family history.
This is another marker for a commitment-friendly, marriage-minded guy. If he comes from a family of divorce, or if he has unresolved issues with his family, it can have a huge influence on how he views his relationship with you. That doesn’t mean people who come from divorced parents can’t have wonderful romantic relationships (in fact, many people learn from their parent’s mistakes and are stronger for it), but do look out for someone who refuses to address the issues from their past or are still dealing with it. It may help you understand how he views relationships and commitment, and give you further insight into why he’s the way he is.

6. Reexamine if you have similar values.
Is he religious or spiritual? Are you? If you differ on core beliefs, he may see you a great person to be with for now, but not for the long-haul. If you’re happy with living in the moment and not worrying about the future, that’s great. But if you’re looking for someone to settle down with, and want to make sure you’re on the same page, it’s worth having a conversation with him about it.

For example, Sarah, a 40-something nurse in my coaching program was sick of the merry-go-round of dating. She would be with a guy for a few months, and everything would see fine, but then he’d distance himself and dump her out of nowhere. A big reason for this, was that she wasn’t careful about screening out guys who were in a different place in life than she was.

When she started rejecting men who weren’t ready for something serious, and focusing on those who were, she finally met a great guy (who wasn’t perfect!), but who was was marriage-minded, from a loving family, and was a regular church goer like she was. Long story short, he was the right fit for Sarah, and they had a glorious wedding at sunset on a beautiful beach!

If you find that your guy talks positively about marriage and relationships, has similar values as you do, and is engaged and invested in your relationship, it doesn’t really matter that he hasn’t had a serious relationship before. He may not be as experienced in commitment, but his relationship with you may be able to provide you with the lasting love you want.

However, if seems like he’s on a different page than you or is uninterested in talking about the future, his history, his views on marriage, or his values, you’re not going to find a lot to build a future on. You can find an awesome partner who is interested in you for the long-term.

If you would like help finding a great partner and lasting passionate love , you can have a complimentary phone or Skype coaching strategy session with an expert Love Mentor® coach at https://lovein90days.com/dating-coach/

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Dating in your 40s is nothing like dating in your 20s—and for good reason. You’re wiser, more confident and have less time to put up with games and men who don’t know what they want in a relationship. Luckily for you, men in their 40s are in the same boat.

“A man in his 40s is confident and self-assured,” says Deanna Cobden, Dating & Relationship Expert and Coach. “He knows what’s important to him, what he wants in a relationship and will be open with you about it.”

Here’s what else you need to know about dating a man in his 40s.

He’s experienced.
Like a fine wine, (most) men get better with age. They’ve lived, they’ve learned and they’ve loved, which means your 40-year-old man knows what he wants in terms of dating and relationships. “His previous relationships have taught him what does and doesn’t make him happy,” says dating expert Simone Paget, author of the dating and relationship blog, The Skinny Dip. “He knows what he wants and he’s able to apply what he’s learned from previous relationships to new ones.”

Another bonus? Unlike the dates of your youth, there won’t be much guessing involved when it comes to his intentions. “He’s been around the block and won’t be playing games with you,” says Cobden. “He’ll make plans, follow through, and pick up the check on the first date.”

Dating Over 40 Reddit

He might have baggage.
By the time you reach your 40s it’s pretty much a given that you’ve had other serious relationships. There’s a good chance he’s been married before and/or has children. His previous relationships might indicate he’s carrying some residual emotional trauma, or maybe not. “[A previous marriage] isn’t necessarily a negative thing, unless the person has allowed it to become one,” says Paget. “Instead, keep in mind that every person and situation is different. Just because someone is divorced or has children doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t give them a chance.”

Reddit Personals 40

Don’t assume that there’s something wrong with him.
Just as you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, don’t assume because someone is single in his 40s means he’s damaged goods. “Just because he’s over 40 and never been married doesn’t always mean that he’s a player,” says Cobden. “There are many men that focus on attaining their career goals before they are ready to focus on finding love.”

Echoes Paget: “Some people find love in their 20’s, other people in their 40’s, 50’s and beyond! For every ‘permanent bachelor’ there are tons of single 40-something guys who have just been waiting to meet the right person to settle down with.” Remember: timing is everything.

He’s not going to change.
They say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks, which might explain why you can’t teach a 40-year-old man to try on a new personality, either. “Once we’re in our 40s, our personalities have solidified and we generally know who we are,” says Paget. “If you are interested in a 40-something guy who could be ‘perfect’ if only he changed x, y, and z about himself, you might want to press pause. Forty-something men aren’t fixer uppers; they come preassembled. What you see is what you get. You either like it or you don’t.” So if he doesn’t tip the waiter more than 15%, for example, chances are he never will.

Dating Over 50 Reddit

He’s (probably) not looking for a trophy wife.
Though there are some men in their 40s who still have their eyes on younger women (hello, Leonardo DiCaprio!), the truth is most 40-something men want to date someone close to their own age. “The idea that men only want younger women is a myth,” says Cobden. “There are lots of quality men looking for smart successful women their own age. The truth is that the number one thing a man is attracted to in a woman is confidence.”

Dating at any age can be awkward, and is seldom perfect, but fortunately your 40-year-old man’s ‘seasoning’ may actually improve your success. Sometimes, it really is worth the wait.

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